The Incredible Hulk Cocktail

Apparently, there is a cocktail named after me. Thus, it's called the Incredible Hulk. It's main ingredients are: 2 oz. of Hennessy Cognac and 2 oz. of Hpnotiq vodka. It's not the best drink in the world. Obviously it's only made because of the fact that it is green and has an awesome name. And it's the strongest drink you'll ever taste. And then it will bash you! The dude in the video has to add pineapple juice to take off the edge of the alcohol. And then he put his skirt back on.

The Incredible Hulk Movie of 2008

Did you all see my new movie last year? They've made a couple of new ones about me in the past few years. I think they may have got it right this time. I can't believe Edward Norton is playing me, Dr. Bruce Banner. My favorite movie last year was definitely Iron Man. I can't wait for the sequel. I heard that Mickey Rourke was going to be a bad guy in that film. He and I used to do coke together in the 80's. I mean, it's not like there was anything else to do. I kid, I kid. I wonder if the Hulk sequel is in production.

Hello. Kevin Church here. If you didn't know, I'm the guy who helps Hulk write this diary and it's pretty obvious that old Jade Jaws isn't going to update any time in the foreseeable future.

First of all, I'd like to apologize to the fans that (still) come back to check things for not making this post earlier. I'd also like to thank them for their continued support of this silly little project. I do notice that this site still gets hundreds of hits each day, and am very sorry that there's not been new content.

I'm not ruling out the possibility that Hulk may one day grab me by the shoulders and point me towards the keyboard, but it's looking unlikely at this time.

In the meantime, you may want to check out my blog (where you can also find out about the comics I've written,) or The Rack, a comic strip about a comics shop that I created and very frequently write.

Again, thank you for your support. I'm removing the comments from this blog to avoid spammers, but you can reach me via email - kevin(dot)church(at)gmail(dot)com - if you'd like to comment or just say hi.

STUPID MARVEL COMICS HAS GIVEN HULK'S ENEMY MODOK (THAT STANDS FOR MECHANICAL SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING KITTENS) HIS OWN INTERNET DIARY BLOG WEBSITE.

Hulk has found out that MODOK now lives in BROOKLYN which is where HULK LIVES.

Hulk thinks he has some SMASHING OF STUPID BIGHEADED MODOK to do.

And then maybe Hulk can get a sack of taquitos.

A lot of people talk to Hulk, wanting to know how Hulk about the comic books that Marvel Comics makes about Hulk. Hulk thinks they are pretty OK most of the time, even if they have stupid stories like this stupid "Mister Fantastic And Tony Stark And Nick Fury Shoot Hulk Into Space And He Comes Back Later And Breaks A Bunch Of Stuff" story that is happening soon, but Hulk has to give special "props" to Jeff Parker because he writes stories that are good and not stupid. If you see a comic that says "MARVEL ADVENTURES: THE AVENGERS" and it is written by Jeff Parker, you should buy it because he makes comics that are more like the world Hulk knows and lives in, even if Hulk would never be part of any team called "THE AVENGERS" that had stupid stinky Wolverine on it.

You can buy MARVEL ADVENTURES comic books with "THE AVENGERS" in itty bitty books that are small and reprint five or six stories and they are cheap like $10 so you should buy those. HERE IS A LINK FOR THE FIRST LITTLE BOOK. You should be able to find more at your local comic book store. If you live in Brooklyn like Hulk does Hulk recommends that you visit ROCKETSHIP because it is a very good store that has comic books and you should ask ALEX or MARY if you can not find them.

THE END

(NO, REALLY: WOLVERINE IS SMELLY. Imagine a wet kitty-cat that's rolled around in something dead and you are part of the way there.)

THIS IS WHY "EDWARD NORTON" SHOULD NOT PLAY HULK IN UPCOMING MOVIE ABOUT HULK.

THE END.

THIS IS A COMIC BOOK THAT IS COMING OUT IN A FEW MONTHS ABOUT THE HULK AND HIS FRIEND FRANKLIN RICHARDS. Hulk really likes Franklin Richards a lot because he is a nice little boy and even though Marvel Comics shows that Franklin Richards's dad Reed Richards shot Hulk into space because Hulk was really bad, that did not really happen. Hulk is not in space and Hulk liked Reed Richards and Sue Richards a lot and Johnny Flame a little bit and Rock Man not at all.

The end!

THERE IS A MOVIE COMING OUT ABOUT HULK'S FRIENDS THE FANTASTIC FOUR.

It is the second movie they have made about them and even though stupid Ben Grimm is a stupid stupidhead that is stupid, Hulk is happy to see his friends Johnny Torch and Reed Stretch on the big screen like they deserve. Hulk thinks there is something wrong with Susan Invisible, though, because the actress playing her looks like she is lost like a kitten in a gravy boat.

HERE IS THE COMMERCIAL.

Hello Hulk got this email and Hulk is wondering if he should help because Hulk needs some money and if Hulk had some money maybe Hulk wouldn't have to go look at the stupid jobs section of the New York Post and Daily Bugle. No, Hulk does not want to work construction, thank you for asking. Hulk does not like to say things to girls that walk by and Hulk can't whistle very well.

WITH DUE RESPACT DEAR FRIEND,MY TEL NUMBER 00226 78 02 43 42

IT IS MY WISH TO SOLICITE YOUR ASSISTANCE IN A BUSSINESSS TRANSACTION THAT WILL BE OF BENEFIT TO YOU AND I.

I CAME ACROSS SUM OF MONEY BELONGING TO A DECEASED CUSTOMER OF THE BANK, BANK OF AFRICA, ALHAJI DAHIRU J MUSA, A CITIZEN OFABIDJAN COTE'D'IVOIRE WHO DIED ON THE RECENT CRISES IN THAT COUNTRY. THE REBELS IN THE CITY OF BOAKERY BOMBED ALHAJI MUSA'RECIDENCE DURING ONE OF THEIR RAIDS.HE AND ALL THE MEMBERS OF HIS FAMILY WERE KILLED IN THAT BOMB INCIDENT.ALHAJI MUSA IS AN INTERNATIONAL BUSSINESS MAN AND A MAJOR SUPPLIER OF YAMAHA MACHINE PARTS IN THIS COUNTRY.

THE MONEY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IS IN THE BANK TREASURY BOX WAITING FOR THE NEXT OF KIN BECAUSE THE DECEASED DIED SINCE TWO YEARS AGO AND LIVING NO OTHER CONTACT AS IN NEXT OF KIN IN HIS BANK FILE AND THE BANK LAW STIPULATES THAT ANY MONEY THAT STAYS IN THE BANK CUSTODY FOR OVER TWO YEARS WITHOUT WITHDRAWAL OR PAYMENT WILL BE CONFICICATED INTO THE BANK PRIVATE USE.

HE HAS AN ACCOUNT WITH THIS BANK WHICH HE USES TO FINANCE HIS BUSSINESS IN THIS CONTRY.This is my bank website in burkina faso. www.bkofafrica.net)The said amount was USD$1m.(one million united states dollars).

SO RIGHT NOW THAT IS THE AREA I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ACT AS NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED MAN SO AS TO INHERITE THIS FUND FOR OUR OWN BENEFIT AND I AM HERE TO GUIDE U AND TO FUNISH YOU WITH ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION CONCERNING THE DECEASED MAN BANK ACCOUNT.

THANKS AND REMAIN BLESSEDI SUGGEST YOU GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE STATING YOUR WISH IN THIS DEAL.

FROM MR MUSA SOBIBRA. MY ALTERNATIVE (musa_sobibra@myway.com)

Do you think Hulk should take advantage of this offer? Hulk thinks Hulk could make money and not have to live off the "stipend" that The Avengers still pay Hulk because they are afraid Hulk will come over and raid the refrigerator and make Jarvis cook a turkey for Hulk again.

Hulk has never told you people how nice Jarvis is. Jarvis is very nice. He is the Avengers' butler but he is not like "Jeeves" because he does not have a website called AskJarvis or anything like that but Hulk thinks he is better because Hulk doesn't have to type on the computer to ask Jarvis things like "Why do rainbows make Hulk happy?" or "Can you please make some more Yorkshire pudding?"

Here is a picture of Jarvis from a comic book about The Avengers.



The end.

Who Likes To Eat Pu-Pu Platters?

Hulk does!

Even if they have a name that makes Hulk laugh a lot!

Do you like to eat Pu-Pu Platters?

Hulk likes the SHRIMPS the most.

WHY DID HULK HAVE TO CHANGE FROM OLD "BLOGGER" TO NEW "BLOGGER" COMPUTER SOFTWARE?

Hulk does not like change very much because every time somebody thinks Hulk should change it is things like "Hulk should smash less" and "Hulk should not watch Dora the Explorer and should instead go and fight stupid Stilt-Man" and let Hulk tell you that fighting Stilt Man is a problem for Daredevil or Spider-Man!!!!

Also: Hulk thinks you should read good article that was written on the internet where Hulk and the rest of the people he worked with for a while called The Defenders answered questions. This is the link to it right here that you will need to click on http://community.livejol HOW DOES HULK STOP TEXT FROM BEING A STUPID LINK!?!?!.

OK? OK!

Hulk has gotten a lot of emails and comments wanting to know why Hulk hasn't updated his diary that is on the internet lately and Hulk wanted to also address some rumors that have been floating around about Hulk that need to be talked about because people need to know the truth about what has happened to Hulk of late, ok? OK! Hulk will put the things Hulk will say in a list because Hulk learned from Iron Man that it is the best way to tell people what is going on with Hulk and other things that need to be put in language that is clear.

1. Hulk is not dating crazy Lindsay Lohan. Hulk only wanted to help the nice girl from that movie about mean girls get from the nightclub she was in back to her limousine. She kissed Hulk on the cheek and all of the papers in New York City (yes, I am talking about you, J. Jonah Jameson and stupid Peter Parker at the Daily Bugle!!!!) decided to run a picture of it like it was a fact that Hulk was spending time with her. Hulk only was nice to her that one time and Hulk really hopes that she enjoys her time in Wonderland. Hulk read about Wonderland in Peter Pan (or maybe Hulk saw the movie) and it sounds like a nice place to learn to stop drinking that stuff that looks like water but really isn't!!!!
   
2. Hulk is not in outer space. That is a story in comic books that Marvel Comics puts out about Hulk. Hulk knows this is hard to understand, but COMIC BOOKS ARE NOT REAL. Hulk has had to move to "Brooklyn" because Hulk can't afford the place Hulk had in "Greenwich Village," but Hulk has a nice neighborhood and nobody stares at Hulk too much because compared to some of his neighbors, Hulk is quiet and nice.
   
3. Hulk is not dead. Hulk just has been busy saving the world instead of writing in his internet diary! Did any of you hear about Hulk stopping The Leader's stupid beam that erased people's brains and made them all his slaves? That is what Hulk spent time doing instead of typing in the computer internet! Hulk also punched out a big monster in Tokyo after Doctor Strange sent him there and played golf with Thor (who is not dead either so stop asking Hulk about that) in ASGARD, which is a very nice place to play golf but Hulk thinks you may have a tough time getting there.

There. That is what Hulk has been up to lately! What have you been doing?!?!?

Hulk has decided Hulk is going to bring "Sexy" back.

Hulk will have to find "Sexy" first.

Hulk wants "Sexy" to get home in time for the holidays! Everyone deserves a good Christmas!

HAHAHAHA SHUT UP IRON MAN SHUT UP!!!!

OH MAN HULK'S ATM CARD WAS STUCK IN THE ATM.

Hulk kept hitting the buttons and saying "Please let Hulk have his ATM card back because Hulk wants to go buy a Playstation 3 and play that Ultimate Alliance game Hulk is in with everyone, even the Punisher" but the machine was all like BEEP BOOP NO NO NO.

And Hulk tried to be nice and called the people at his bank and Hulk said "Hulk has money because Hulk just got a deposit and Hulk would like to get it!" and the bank's answering machine said "Leave a message and we will get back to you as soon as possible" and Hulk was like "HULK JUST LEFT A MESSAGE WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR THAT?"

And that's why Hulk now owes Bank of America $43,000 for two ATMs in the Union Square area.

The end.

"NORTON" asked Hulk a question about movies and Hulk is going to answer it.

"Norton" asked:

Hulk, I have just watched a DVD called "THE ULTIMATE AVENGERS" and I was just wondering how much money you made from it, since you have a big role in the movie?

Hulk is sorry you watched that movie because it is full of big stupid lies about Hulk and how mean he is! The producers of that movie said that Hulk is a "public figure" and can be used in a movie even if he doesn't want to be in a movie just like President Monkey Man was used in that fat man's movie that was called FAHRENHEIT 9/11.

Hulk is not happy about that, but there is nothing Hulk can do about it.

Hulk has to go back to cleaning the house now because Ant-Man is coming over to play computer game hockey later. HULK WILL SMASH HIS PUNY HARTFORD WHALERS.

HA HA ITALY HAS A STUPID GIANT
ANT PROBLEM THAT WILL PROBABLY
COST A LOT TO GET RID OF!!!!

Hulk feels "sorry" for Italy because Hulk knows how tough it is to beat up ants, especially if you leave pizza boxes lying around like Italy probably does all the time STUPID ANTS!!!

AND HELLO MICHAEL FLEMING. Why did you make this picture of Hulk that makes Hulk so sad? :( Where did Hulk's hands go? TELL HULK!!

Bono says "PEACE OUT! HIPPIE MAN!"


Hulk says "KEEP ON SMASHING!"

WHOSE
SIDE
ARE
YOU
ON?

OK OK EVERYONE PLEASE CALM DOWN HULK IS BACK PLEASE SIT DOWN QUIET IN THE BACK PLEASE.

Hulk had to go out to the desert to fight "The Leader," who is a bad guy who has a very large stupid head. Here is a picture of "The Leader."
"The Leader" may have a VERY LARGE AND STUPID HEAD but he has a "teleporter" that he says he made himself and that must mean he's almost as smart as Puny Richards from the Fantastic Four.

"The Leader" teleported Hulk into space at the very top of Earth's air-bubble that is called "the atmosphere"! Hulk ended up falling back down and landed in "Australia" where Hulk was very sad to see that "The Crocodile Hunter," a man who was very nice to Crocodiles despite having a name like that died and so Hulk just sort of hung around around with dingos and kangaroos and koalas and platypuses.

Here is a picture of Steve Irwin feeding babies (Hulk thinks they are babies anyway - that is what the one on the right looks like) to crocodiles! Hulk may not agree with feeding babies to animals usually, but Hulk is sure Steve Irwin, "The Crocodile Hunter" had a good reason to feed babies to animals.

Hulk is not a police officer any more because Hulk broke too much stuff and went and fought The Leader instead of going back to work after his suspension so now Hulk is looking for a job again. The Avengers told Hulk they could offer him "temporary worker" status so Hulk could get a little pocket money, but Hulk has bills to pay, like two months of rent!!!

Hulk has the day off from being a police man and the nice sergeant man at the police station who is Hulk's boss said Hulk may get to take "a really, really long vacation" because Hulk "took unreasonable steps" to stop that bad man with the gun.

Hulk doesn't think that throwing the man in the Hudson River is "unreasonable," but Hulk likes having time off!